{"id":2937,"date":"2009-12-22T10:52:44","date_gmt":"2009-12-22T17:52:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nevadanewsandviews.com\/?p=2937"},"modified":"2009-12-23T10:40:03","modified_gmt":"2009-12-23T17:40:03","slug":"%e2%80%98twas-the-night-before-christmas-two-modern-day-variations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nevadanewsandviews.com\/%e2%80%98twas-the-night-before-christmas-two-modern-day-variations\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018Twas the Night Before Christmas: Two Modern Day Variations"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u2018Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
\nTiger Woods came a flyin’, chased by his spouse. <\/p>\n

She wielded a nine iron and wasn’t too merry,
\nCause a bimbo\u2019s phone number was in his Blackberry. <\/p>\n

He\u2019d been cheatin’ on Elin, and the story progressed.
\nWoman after woman stepped up and confessed. <\/p>\n

He\u2019d been cheatin\u2019 with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
\nWith Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story. <\/p>\n

From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
\nTiger\u2019s sad sordid tale was all over the news. <\/p>\n

With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
\nWhen not in their pants, he was sendin’ them texts. <\/p>\n

Despite all his cryin\u2019 and beggin’ and pleadin’,
\nTiger\u2019s wife went investin’ – bought a new home in Sweden. <\/p>\n

And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
\n“If you\u2019re getting’ laid then I\u2019m getting’ paid.” <\/p>\n

She\u2019s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
\nHer pre-nup made Christmas come early this year. (Author unknown)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *<\/p>\n

Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the Senate
\nSenator Reid went a-shopping, to get another Mike Bennett;<\/p>\n

The goodies were there just like a new boat,
\nIn hopes that Bob Nelson would give up his vote;<\/p>\n

The citizens were shopping in Malls full of wares,
\nAnd hopes for a better year were in all their stares;<\/p>\n

And Landrieu with her millions, and Reid with his tribe,
\nHad just settled down to finalize the bribe;<\/p>\n

When out in the Country three arose such a clatter,
\nReid went into spin mode just like a Mad Hatter.<\/p>\n

Away to the podium he slithered just like a snake,
\nAnd lied to the good citizens with a smile that was fake.<\/p>\n

The sun had finally fell on his bill that had been dark
\nGave proof to the world that this wasn\u2019t a lark,<\/p>\n

And what to our astonishment should he say,
\n\u201cWe will vote on this Bill in just over a day.\u201d<\/p>\n

With a process like this, so fast and so quick,
\nYou would be right if you thought this a bad trick. (Dan Burdish)<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u2018Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house Tiger Woods came a flyin’, chased by his spouse. She wielded a nine iron and wasn’t too merry, Cause a bimbo\u2019s phone number was in his Blackberry. He\u2019d been cheatin’ on Elin, and the story progressed. Woman after woman stepped up and confessed. He\u2019d been […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nevadanewsandviews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2937"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nevadanewsandviews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nevadanewsandviews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nevadanewsandviews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nevadanewsandviews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2937"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/nevadanewsandviews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2937\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2964,"href":"https:\/\/nevadanewsandviews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2937\/revisions\/2964"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nevadanewsandviews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2937"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nevadanewsandviews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2937"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nevadanewsandviews.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2937"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}