Sen. Jeff Flake presents “Hardy-Har-Har Wars: The Farce Awakens”

Unfortunately, taxpayers, the joke’s on us: 101 new examples of “egregious, outrageous and unnecessary” government spending

(NN&V Staff) – U.S. Sen. Jeff Flake (R-Arizona) has released an eye-popping report on billions of dollars in wasteful federal government spending, featuring zombies in the White House, monkeys on treadmills, sheep in microgravity, wine-making for minors, the science of beer koozies and dating secrets for the unattractive.

Some other specific examples that’ll make you sick to your stomach…

• $1.25 million grant for a Las Vegas beauty school
• Duke University researchers created a shrimp fight club to observe the punching power of mantis shrimp
• The National Science Foundation is spending nearly a million dollars to see if guppies give in to peer pressure
• The first federal aid to Baltimore following this summer’s riots was “to support an apprenticeship program and a series of public events celebrating the piñata”
• A $300,000 federal grant will retell the tale of the voyages of a retired charm school teacher and her cat over Niagara Falls in a barrel.
• Hamza Ahmed, who tweeted his support for jihad, spent federal student aid to purchase plane tickets to travel to Syria to join the terrorist organization ISIL
• The Pentagon spent nearly $43 million to build “the world’s most expensive gas station” in Afghanistan that dispenses compressed natural gas, which few automobiles in that country run on
• USAID spent more than $2 million this year to promote tourism to Lebanon, a nation the State Department is warning Americans to avoid due to terrorist threats
• Uncle Sam wants you to take shorter showers and is financing efforts to monitor how long you spend in the shower when staying at a hotel
• The Pentagon is spending $2 million to teach robots how to play jazz music
• A life-size version of Pac-Man was created as part of a showcase sponsored by the National Science Foundation grant
• $5 million on a “Help A Hipster” movement, paying for parties and handing out free cash to entice hipsters to “take a stand against tobacco corporations.”
• College students received academic credits for participating in a government sponsored food addiction study that found pizza may be as addictive as crack
• The National Pork Board is paying $60 million to the National Pork Producers Council for the defunct slogan “Pork: The Other White Meat,” which was retired in 2011
• The La Jolla Zip Zoom—promoted as the longest zipline in California— was paid for with a $1.8 million federal grant
• Residents of Redlands, California literally had something to sing about when the city spent part of a USDA grant to host a sing-along brunch party that included music from the Wizard of Oz
• More than $300,000 is being spent to renovate a train station that has not served passengers in nearly 60 years in a Virginia town with fewer than 5,000 residents

Read the full report and weep